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Int: A darkened office in the middle of the night.

I’m learning to hate Thursdays.

Fridays are the day you spend running around with your head on fire.  You have so much to do, that you don’t have time to think about what your doing.  That’s what Thursdays are for.  It’s the weekly dousing yourself in gasoline.

It’s not a coincidence that I’m writing this at 3:44 in the morning.  It’s also not a coincidence that I’ve had my weekly hyperventilating, full on spaz attack freak out. I’m not an arguer by nature.  I don’t actively seek out conflict.  I’m a orderly kind of guy.  And that’s what makes Thursdays so hard.  It’s getting everything ready for everybody, and making sure we have everything we are going to need when we get there on Saturday to get started.

I’m not big on anger, but I am particularly susceptible to frustration.  That’s the one that gets me to raise my voice.  It’s not a yell.  It’s more like a plea. I hope they know I’m not yelling at them.  I’m venting.  It’s either that or an aneurysm.

A place for everything and everything in its place… It’s one of those life lessons my father drilled into me.

I hate putting anything off until the last minute.  I hate not having a plan.  I hate not knowing exactly what we’re setting out to do, and roughly how long it should take to get done.  I know I suck at getting to places on time, but once I get there I want to know exactly what steps A, B C, and D are.  I’ll probably always need to work on my punctuality.  Sorry in advance.

But, I also realize that for this all to work, and turn out well, that we all have to know exactly what’s happening and when.  Planning is vital.  And I’m sure to some of the folks on the crew, I seem a bit obsessive about it. (I’m sure some of the cast have noticed too.) If they wonder why I’ll always look exhausted when we shoot, this is why…

When I get everybody to the location I only want them to focus on what’s happening in front of the cameras, and not worrying about  “how are we going to do this with that…”

When I have those “off in my own little world moments”, it’s normally me taking mental inventory.

So far everything has worked out.  I really should learn to relax a little bit, and enjoy the ride.  I really should trust the folks on the crew better than I do.  I know they know what’s expected, and I know they know how to get it done.  It’s just their process doesn’t always dovetail into my process, and that’s the source of the frustration.  I know they want everything to go right too.

And I know after reviewing last weekends footage, that this is turning out spledidly.  I really couldn’t ask for a better cast.  It may have sounded like I was gushing a bit in the earlier blog post, but the performances are really wonderful, thoughtful and nuanced.  It’s a rare thing, to go back after the adrenaline has cooked off and see that what you have on film really is as good as you thought it was, and the credit is all theirs. Nichole, James, Ben, Derek, Colby, Benton, Elysse and Melanie take a bow.

And then there’s the moments like these, when I’ve had my mental meltdown.  And after being talked down, realize that the situation is never as dire as I thought, and I feel like an ass.  The apologies really are sincere, but I always feel like they’re inadequate.

When all is said and done, we’ll shoot what we can shoot, and I know that it will turn out wonderfully.

Like I said.  I’m learning to hate Thursdays.  I hope the crew doesn’t learn to hate Thursdays too.

I said warts and all.  Well, here’s a wart.