If you’ve been following the blog very long, you’ve probably figured out that I type exactly what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it… and right now I’m thinking “What’s next?”  I’ve outlined what I want to do next, and the subject comes up between me and Mike quite a bit, but truth be told, I don’t know how I’m going to put together a group of people as talented and dedicated as this group has been.  I know I need a break, and I know they deserve one.

I also start to think, “Why do people make movies?”  There are easier ways to tell stories.  There are less expensive ways to do it too.  At the end of the day, I don’t even want to think about what this has cost… but, I’m sure Karen knows down to the penny.  I won’t lie and say “Why am I doing this?” hasn’t crossed my mind.  There’s only one answer for that.  Because I wanted to.

If someone had told me I was going to spend 21 months making a movie, I would have said, “That’s a long time to shoot a porno.”

Seriously though:
I’m fascinated and terrified at the idea of death.  I tend to reconcile this with the notion that the universe existed before I got here, and it will continue after I’ve been.  But what I find even more terrifying is the idea of death (or even some semblance of life) with all loss of persona.  To become a non-sentient thing.

The zombie genre has pretty much taken this as a reason to horrifically and graphically smack down humanlike substitutes in the most gratuitous ways possible.  And, it seems, that’s all that has become of it.  A game of oneupsmanship.  How can we creatively kill something that looks like a human, but without the stigma of it being a human?  Zombies, sadly, have become a cipher, and I guess that’s what really bothers me the most.  It’s sad that a genre with so much potential has been relegated to splatter and spectacle.  Of all the zombie films out there, there really is only three that have stood up to the test of time.  The Night of the Living Dead, it’s remake (which I actually prefer), and the original Day of the Dead.  The rest pretty much fall into the same mold.

Outbreak>panic>survivors>survivors lost>things go back to normal.

It’s tired, and cliche, and that was really the inspiration for this.  Then came the realization that 28 Days Later and The Walking Dead  are the same story (even down to both protagonist waking in abandoned hospitals).  And even worse are the films where people walk around with seemingly endless supplies of food and ammo.

One of the reasons I wanted to do this, was because I felt it was time for the zombie genre to grow up a bit. The real genesis of this project was, it always seems, whenever you watch a zombie film, there’s always someone in the group that proudly claims that they would survive, and then usually go on to tell you how and why they’d survive.   Needless to say, most of these notions, I find to be pretty thin.  But more than that, if you did survive, would you still be you?  With the collapse of the culture we live in, how many people would remain functional and intact?

No one ever deals with the idea of  the trauma an event like that would really have.  The notion that “If your daily life became a tooth and nail fight for survival, with no technology and no communication and no way out, what would those people who where lucky(?) enough to survive be like?” has never really been addressed to my satisfaction.  How easy would it be for them to adjust to this new world?  PTSD doesn’t exist in zombie films, at least nothing a quick open-handed slap in the face wont fix.  Nobody is ever bothered by the idea that they are finishing off things that once upon a time were their father, brother, sister, friend, co-worker.  Sorry.  I call bullshit.

There’s a realization in all this.  That after this is all said and done, my life will be profoundly changed.  The movie could succeed.  It could fail.  Either will impact me pretty drastically.  I hope, when it’s all said and done,  I remain functional and intact.  I tend to take everything personally, and this is something that I really have poured heart and soul into, and in doing so, I’ve also discovered a lot about the people that are a part of my life.  Some good.  Some bad.  The good is as good as it ever gets.  There’s a lot more that goes along with this, but I can’t explain it to you.  You either have to experience it for yourselves, or don’t.  Sorry, but words can only carry certain kinds of ideas.

If you’re a fan of movies you  might have seen Fight Club.  Chuck Palahniuk brilliantly wrote  “This is your life, and it’s ending one second at a time.”  That’s an absolute truth.  In the same film there is a scene where Tyler Durden asks two men sitting in the back seat, “Guys, what would you wish you’d done before you died?”

Well, at last,  I can finally say “Nothing Tyler.  All good here in the back seat. Go ahead and let go of the wheel…”

And with the completion of this movie, that’s what I have to do.  Let go of the wheel.   People can like it or not. It is what it is.

I guess all I can do now is wait for someone to splice single frames of pornography into my movie.

Thanks for letting me ramble….  more to come